11/08
im glad i did law. i am just SO glad i did law, cause now i see how it would be if i didnt do it. i look at the people around me, and what they do, i dont think i would last one bit.forgive me if i sound somewhat like a stuck up bitch.
At least though i know its alot of hard work, law is interesting, and wont kill as much as i think having a normal standard job will kill me. im not talking bout work wise here, im talkin bout subject matter. data inputting, charts, calculations. bleargh. it so does not interest me one bit.

sigh. ive always been a science type of person. unfortunately im in law, but it still is more interesting.

19/08
Working as a person who makes calls, i realise now how bad our malaysian english language is.How lazy we are to speak the full sentence when we actually know the proper and correct way to do so.

Okay, so speaking manglish is definetly inevitble when we talk amongst our friends, the " lah" just comes naturally, but amongst working professionals, proper english should be spoken, it doesnt matter if your english is bad, but it matters if you know how to speak the proper language but you dont because you are too lazy.


" calling from where" - " Where are you calling from?"
" Who you" - " May i know who is speaking please"
" Hah" - "Sorry, excuse me what did you say?" ( This is the most annoying of all, if amongst friends its fine to use this "Hah", but being a secretary of a boss, of big coporation, "HAH" shouldnt be something that should be used, it is simply impolite.

another annoying this that i constantly get, okay but this is not their fault they cant understand english properly .
i say " when is an apporpriate time for me to call back" and they say " okay thank you". Its the most common answer i get when i ask that question, and then i ask it again, and they say the same thing, so i ask it in malay and then only they give me the response i want.



25/08
why is it the guys i always fall so deep for change dramatically after i havent seen them for a year or so. Why cant they just remain the same, why cant we just live like how it was a few years ago, when we were happy and blissful.

why do you have to change and grow up and be all different, concealing yourself from the world, of the person who you really are inside.

why do guys find their image so important in life they would throw away everything they believe in, to just have that particular image.

maybe its myfault, i get them to show their true side, and i expect them to show their true side amongst others, and i get upset and hurt when they dont. maybe im too sensitive.

but dissing the people who were there for you throughout your highschool years is not the way to go.

you should keep in mind, that the friends you make in school are the friends you make for life, cause those are the true friends, and they will never fail you or turn you down, despite what you have done to them in the past.

2/9
i dont understand the how sometimes people can be so irrationale, and act like a child. i admit i do sometimes become abit irrationale, and speak when im angry but i always realise that i was being irrational, and apologize for it. I find it so completely annoying when people dont look at the bigger picture but only see what is happening there and then. you always have to keep in mind the bigger picture, if not you will be regreting things you have said or done for the rest of your life.

" Make a speech when you're angry and it will be the biggest speech you will ever regret in your life"

Always think before you say something, think before you regret what you have just said. Always think with an open mind, because what you are saying, could be ruining something that has taken you years to build, and a simple sentence can just wash it all away.


3/9
I wish i could slip into that sweet euphoria that once existed a while ago with him. But its so different now, the ecstacy just isnt there anymore. The sparkle just does not exist anymore, everything has faded. The times when there was constant smiles on our faces has left, and now, its like we go out because we have to. There was a time when he was my sanctuary, a safe haven, but its all gone now, and we are unsure of ourselves, unsure if we are just staying in it because we are scared the other might be hurt. Our communication to eachother is depreciating. i dont know what we are now. when we go out its like a routine, the kisses, the holding hands, it feels like its a need for it to be done, and the spark isnt there. its nice, but its a question


18/09
CLP results will be coming out on monday, and im fucking scared. i know i could of tried ALOT harder and i would not be THAT worried, but i didnt. So i tried my best i could, i hope the days spent in the library and the sleepless nights paid off. i wouldnt mind if i got the lowest possible grade, but i just want to pass it and close that chapter of my life. I dont want to repeat all over again, its like sitting though hell all over again.


23/09
Well, it looks like those sleepless nights and the days in the library did NOT pay off. i didnt make it through. i feel sad, but not as sad as i thought i would be. i didnt cry at all, compared to the time when i cried cause i got a B for maths in SPM. Probably it is the fact that i am not looking forward to a career in law,or probably its just because i didnt try hard enough, i tried my best, but i think i could have tried alot harder. the drive to be a lawyer is just and has always been never there, i need to find it to be there!

my friend said to me " i really want to get called to the bar, that experience is just great" something like that, and i thought to myself oh okay, i would like it to, but to me it would just be okay, i dont think im meant for law.

dont call me bitter because i didnt get through the clp, ive always been bitter about law if you've read my other blog. never really liked it, i just did it because i have to, and since i have come this far might as well try and go all the way. maybe thats my problem, i dont have the passion for law. my passion has always been related to science every since i could think.

sigh, its times like these i really wished i stuck to what i really loved and persued that as a career. something to do with science, anything science related which would make my brain think harder and analyze, medicine, chemical or electrical engineering, maths, or something to do with computers graphic design has always been something i wanted to do, or the study of the human mind, psychology! law is just plain memorizing and arguing your point, there is not satisfaction when u get the answer unlike with science, where u have to figure things out.

but now, this is the real world, and in this real world, we dont normally get what we really want. thats just reality, you have to put aside your hopes and your dreams and face it and deal with it.


i believe the same goes for love, we all cant have the perfect fairy tale kind of love. im just going to put aside all relationships for now. im so effin tired of them.

god im so sick of calling about this fucking manufacturing awards, i feel like yelling at my boss "NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE PART CAUSE ITS TO EXPENSIVE, SO STOP WONDERING WHY NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED!!" the answer is clearly there, but he is a nice boss and i cant find it in me to do that.

in this diary i write you vissions of my summer, it was the best i ever had